Wisdom from the World's Wisest Mule

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Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues

by Jacquie Rogers

Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues by Jacquie Rogers







Down Home Ever Lovin' Mule Blues by Jacquie Rogers

Socrates Sez:
Humans are so stubborn. They seem to spend every waking hour thinking about sex, getting sex, or being disappointed by not having sex. And I have the answer. Yes, sir, I do.

Socrates Sez:
Yesterday was only the beginning. I have lots more tricks up my saddle blanket.

Socrates Sez:
My ears are perfectly shaped and my hair lies just so. I don't like it rumpled.

Socrates Sez:
We mules are often accused of being cowards (or stubborn) but we're most certainly not. We're smart.

Socrates Sez:
Humans are just plain slow on the uptake sometimes. All we mules can do is practice the latest of training procedures: set up the situation, wait for the human to make the correct decision, then reward them for even the smallest progress. Believe me, as dense as humans are, we need a lot of patience to train them. But it can be done.

Socrates Sez:
Humans are known to be slow, so we mules have to be very patient.

Socrates Sez:
Excellent plan I concocted, if I do say so myself. Now, keep your hooves crossed. . .

Socrates Sez:
Humans have such crazy notions sometimes.

Socrates Sez:
Throw a little salt over your withers and let's get to work.

Socrates Sez:
My human is becoming increasingly agitated. Not that another human would notice, but we mules are exceedingly perceptive about these matters.

Socrates Sez:
You'd think they would be more appreciative of my efforts. We mules must have the patience of Job while we wait for our humans to recognize the truth.

Socrates Sez:
The only way to overcome the objections of two obstinate people is to be even more obstinate than they are. That's a tough project, but I'm unflinching in my dedication to the task.

Socrates Sez:
While I'd like things to happen a little faster, you can only expect so much from humans, especially those who are as thickskulled as my two.

Socrates Sez:
Were it dignified for a mule to do a happy dance, I'd be doing one.

Socrates Sez:
Humans, shortsighted as they are, can rarely work their way through a dilemma without first digging themselves into some sort of a trauma. Not even porcupines are that boneheaded. I'm here to tell you that if a porcupine had brains, it wouldn't need quills.

Socrates Sez:
Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Socrates Sez:
Besides, I always did like a good party.

Socrates Sez:
You ever wonder about the silly positions that humans get in to mate? The rest of the animal kingdom just gets the job done, but humans can be downright ridiculous. I mean, what other animal would do it face-to-face, risking life and limb from the other's teeth. For that matter, this preoccupation with oral sex is a total bafflement. You'd never find another male animal that would willingly put his you-know-what in his mate's mouth. Not unless he didn't want it back. Ever.

Socrates Sez:
No, you can't pee on a bush right now! We have work to do. Tie a knot in it.



This page updated February 22, 2009
All content, including graphics copyright Jacquie D Rogers 2005-2009, All rights reserved.